he shaved USA in his pubs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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