tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
