I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
