Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
