I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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