i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
