You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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