he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
