i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
