my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
