mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
