I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
