I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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