I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize