You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
