I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
