**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
