How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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