Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
