everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im part way to drunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
