i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
