Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am available for nakedness
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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