Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
