Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
