I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
