After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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