some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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