my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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