Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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