do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
