Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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