It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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