He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
