I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize