Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
