sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
