yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize