My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize