like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
