hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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