If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
