I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
