Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
