Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
