I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just puked most of my soul out..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
