im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
