I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
