Who did Billy Mays play for?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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