it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize