I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
