Cold hands, warm shart.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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