Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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