therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
