Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
