New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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