If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
