He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
