Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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