There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize