Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
