It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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