just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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