grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize