Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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