I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize