well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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