I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
