i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hippo gnu deer
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
