I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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