I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
