Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
