so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will be naked everywhere
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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