I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
