In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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