U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
