sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
