sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
