just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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