Dude my mom stole all your condoms
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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