she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
