I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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