Do you still have your period?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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