When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
