i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
be right there i have to get my cape
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
