I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
