We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
