He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
