Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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